Tag Archives: ramblings

Because that’s what I am.

The attacks or fits, as that’s what they quickly become, usually are caused by “losing” my wallet or my cell phone.

This past weekend alone I had two such attacks, both false alarms thankfully. The first occurred Saturday night when I “lost” my wallet. I only realized it when I needed to return a couple of DVDs to the library, because, of course, I needed my driver’s license to drive them to the library.

And I was under deadline. It was 4 p.m. and the library closed at 5 p.m. Luckily The Wife was out of town so was not witness to the attack that followed.

Couch cushions were moved. The sections of the couch were moved. The bedroom was turned upside down. The search was conducted under the bed, above the bed, with the sheet being tossed aside.

Finally, it was 4:45. I could wait no more…I had to go to the library without my driver’s license. I only hoped I wouldn’t be pulled over. I wasn’t.

I returned home to continue my search. At one point, I called my mother.

She asked the inevitable question: “Do you remember where you had it last?”

“ARGGGGH!” I feel like Charlie Brown sometimes, you know when Lucy takes the football away from him just before he goes to kick it? Yeah, like that.

“If I remember where I had it last, I wouldn’t be talking to you on the phone,” I said to her as calmly as I could through clenched teeth.

I think I even asked her to pray that I would find it. She said she’d pray with me. Of course, I told her I didn’t have time, because I was searching for my wallet.

An hour later, after hyperventilating, thinking my world is coming to an end, where do I find it? In the back pocket of the shorts I was wearing the previous day, buried under some other clothes — that were on the floor of course, not put in the hamper as they were supposed to have been (The Wife is always telling me that).

The second attack happened Sunday night when I couldn’t find my cell phone.

In comparison to Saturday night, this was a mini-attack. I think I said the f-word only one time, whereas Saturday night, I probably used it, uh, like twice. Yeah, that’s right. Only twice. Oh, and Mom, when I say the f-word, of course, I mean fahrvenugen, of course.

Unfortunately, The Wife was home for this one.

Fortunately, I used her phone to call my phone and where was it this this time? On the couch, hidden under a blanket.

These attacks, of course, weren’t the first — as my wife can tell you and has in a post from a few weeks ago called Motorola Meltdown, where she recounts a time I actually did lose my cell phone.

Now tonight my wife said she’s going to get me a blaze orange wallet from the sporting goods store. So I won’t lose it.

I bet even then I won’t see it.

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