Monthly Archives: December 2009

I pledge…allegiance…to uphold…aw, screw it…I don’t know…something something…2010

Posted on December 31, 2009 by | 16 Comments

I thought it would be good to look over this past year’s resolutions before getting to my resolutions for 2010.

________________________________

So not counting the four I already have checked, I only have six resolutions to come up with to add to those previous four:

1. To not procrastinate.

2. To not be such a corporate shill as I’ve shown above, here, and here, to name just a few of the places I’ve been a shill.

3. Instead to be a bodiless shrill like a screaming ghost, you know, that descends upon you when you least expect it…oh, wait, I was going for opposite of “corporate,” not “corporeal,” that’s what I getting for drinking in the middle of the day.

4. To continue to have posts that have an ethereal quality about them.

5. To use more words that end with “real” in posts, including the ones I’ve already used, plus “surreal,” “unreal,” and most especially “hyperreal.”

6. To not use Top 10 posts like this or this when I really don’t have any other ideas of what to write in a post.

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Oh, and this:

Nanny Goat in Panties

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Sweet Dreams Are Wishes Your Heart Makes

Posted on December 31, 2009 by | 3 Comments

Back in September, I mentioned writing down my dreams as suggested by Chip Ingram in his book Good To Great In God’s Eyes: Ten Practices Christians Have In Common. One of those ten practices is “Dream Great Dreams” and one of the action steps (at the end of each chapter) is to “write on four index cards one sentence that expresses your ultimate lifelong dream in each of these four categories: personal growth; singleness, marriage or family; professional career and church and ministry (p. 96).” Then on the back, you are to list the next three steps you believe you need to take to fulfill your dream and consider you can take immediately” (97).

I did that then, but didn’t share them specifically.  Now with the New Year approaching, I think it’s only appropriate that I now share those dreams, those goals, those resolutions, if you will.

Personal growth

I want discipline in my life.

1. Get up earlier each day.

2. Run…to which I will now add exercise, period, plus maintain diet and lose weight.

3. Organize/discard books.

Marriage

I  want to be more loving toward my wife than I have been.

1. Do dishes.

2. Plan time together.

3. Don’t just watch movies together and call that “together” time.

Career

I want to write about my continual quest to become a better person and how others can become that better person too.

1. Consolidate three blogs into one (this one).

2. Look for other opportunities, other avenues to promote message through articles, websites,  etc.

3. Connect with others with same vision, same goal of becoming better version of themselves and share with others what we have learned.

Church

I want to become a deacon in the Catholic Church.

1. Contact diocese about.

2. Talk to Deacon Jerry (a deacon at our parish) about.

3. Read about responsibilities and pray if this is right direction God wants me to go.

Along with these, which are enough in themselves, are a few simple things:

1. Body: Use only one website for continuing diet and exercise program, WeightWatchers, because that is what worked “the first time around.”  Drop other sites and politely decline offers from friends for other programs.

Also The Wife and I are getting a gym membership for the next three months of winter, as she says so eloquently “because walking outside when the chill is -4 F doesn’t just take cojones, it takes a certain flavor of stupid that I am just not cookin’ with.” This ought to help me get the new year off on the right foot.

2. Mind: As mentioned in October at Just A (Reading) Fool, “I am going to work toward the goal of considering a book before picking it from the shelf — and aim toward that ‘shelf’ being one of those already in our house before the library.” I also will not sign up for any other online reading challenges besides the ones I already have listed on  my page (needs to be updated, to include only three, Agatha Christie Reading Challenge, Really Old Classics Challenge and Pulitzer Project.

3. Soul: Continue to read the Liturgy of the Hours, with specific focus on including more of Evening Prayer (I already have a pretty good routine for Morning Prayer, but seem to have a problem including the other part of “the hinge”).

4. Grammar: Stop ending sentences with prepositions as seen in dreams listed above.

Looking for a dream/dreams clip to go along with this post, I couldn’t decide between these two so went with both:

although I must admit that going to the ball in a glittering gown is NOT one of my dreams…

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I see a full/blue moon rising, I see trouble on the way for tomorrow

Posted on December 30, 2009 by | Comments Off

It’s the end of the decade as we know it and I feel fine. I’ll be howling at the full moon/blue moon tomorrow.

Let me just say that when using YouTube to find a “full moon” song, beware. You’ll find all kinds of songs out there titled “Full Moon”…

from ones that may not be appropriate for your family-friendly blog like this entry from Armand Van Helden (“entry” in that it is “enter at your own risk” and that you may want to wear a condom)…

…to ones that seem extremely repetitive in their lyrics like this one from Brandy or this one from Anne Clarke, although at least the latter sounds borderline cool for the first minute or two…

…to ones that reference some tween movie that everybody (at least on AOL.com as reported in India) thought was Da Bomb like this one from The Black Ghosts.

However, for me, I couldn’t pass up this one from Sonata Arctica with its metal edge:

despite the lyrics making no damned sense:

See what became out of her man.

Huh? “See what became of her man” would make sense, but “see what became out of her man” seems to be confusing the issue.

At least, it was easier for me to find several cool songs with “Blue Moon” in the title: “Blue Moon of Kentucky” by Elvis, “Blue Moon” by Ella Fitzgerald, and my favorite, “Blue Moon Revisited” by Cowboy Junkies:


Remember these words of wisdom from Armand as you get ready to celebrate tomorrow:

Freak, freak y’all
And you don’t, don’t stop
Keep on y’all
And you don’t, don’t stop

And finally these from Red Green:

Keep your stick on the ice.

which translated for New Year’s Eve, of course, is

and always have a

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The Lord said to NOAA there’s gonna be a floody floody this Christmas Day

Posted on December 24, 2009 by | Comments Off

Christmas Eve.

Ah.

A time for preparing to see family…steel our nerves with a shot or two of Maker’s Mark or whatever bottle of liquor you happen to have handy. You don’t have one? You better get one or two, or, heckfire, a case, and soon.

A time for preparing for our dear Savior’s birth…using his name in vain more than a few times, or at least, underneath our breath (and that’s much better blasphemy, isn’t it, really? the underneath our breath kind where we just THINK it and don’t say it…hmmm, yes, by Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I THINK so) after talking to family members on the phone about what NOAA in his infinite wisdom is predicting for tomorrow.

Which brings me in a roundabout (very roundabout as you will see) to this morning…

NOAA, for those of you who might not recognize the acronym as easily as you recognize FBI or CIA or one of the other intelligence agencies (although I might ask you why you are soooo into those acronyms, something maybe THEY need to look into?), stands for National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration under the U.S. Department of Commerce. I don’t know why it’s under the Department of Commerce, but shows you how our government operates: backasswards.

Yes, these NOAA folks, under another acronym, NWS (National Weather Service) are the people that, to put it politely, put the Scrooge on your Christmas plans.

Or at least the people who try to.

Anyway, since earlier in the week, NOAA has been telling us (yes, the agency talks to us directly in an audible voice, consider yourself lucky you don’t have that voice in your head) that my parents would be getting rain, freezing rain, sleet AND snow, not just the trifecta, but the fourfecta on Christmas Day.

Cut scene to this morning (yes, I’m finally getting there): My sister puts on her Facebook that she

“is happy because the weather forecast now says just rain for tomorrow! I get to spend Christmas with my family…..wait. That’s a good thing right?“

After what transpired after that message, she might think otherwise.

I promptly went to NOAA myself (the mountain, if you will) and found the link for my parents. Immediately, my eyes were drawn to this ominous red header/link:

Hazardous Weather Outlook

I clicked on it and saw the following:

ON CHRISTMAS…A MIX OF WATER TURNING TO BLOOD, REPTILES, LICE, FLIES, LIVESTOCK, DEATH, BOILS, HAIL, LOCUST, DARKNESS AND DEATH OF FIRSTBORN WILL OVERSPREAD THE AREA STARTING IN THE MORNING AND ENDING LATE IN THE EVENING IF YOU’RE LUCKY.

Okay, not really. I saw this:

ON CHRISTMAS…A MIX OF RAIN AND FREEZING RAIN WILL OVERSPREAD THE AREA LATE IN THE DAY INTO EARLY EVENING.

NOAA, God bless his merry old soul, likes to shout a lot.

Soooo…I jumped to conclusions and thought I should warn my sister. I immediately cut and paste the link for the Hazardous Weather Outlook to my sister.

Then to rub it in, when she called me to tell me about a post that she just put up, I had to tell her again about the impending doom awaiting her should she, my brother-in-law and three-year-old nephew traverse the roads to (and more importantly back tomorrow afternoon) Grandma’s house.

At which point, she told me that’s not what NOAA was telling her…the long and short of it, she hung up on me and then an instant message conversation with The Wife that included her telling me:

Would you CHILL OUT, FFS?

The acronym, which translated for my parent’s sake, as per usual, means “For Fahrvenugen’s sake.”

The Wife then politely translated what NOAA actually was saying for my parents’, if I had to continued to read past the red-lettered warning:

Rain likely, mainly after 3pm. Cloudy, with a high near 35. Southeast wind between 6 and 11 mph. Chance of precipitation is 60%. New rainfall amounts of less than a tenth of an inch possible.

Not shouting, just stating, “Here it is, fyi.”

Honey, you have to look at the top of that and realize that its written for like thirty counties. The HWO isn’t specifically for New Albany.

Me:

But the HWO could be.
It could be for FREAKING everywhere!
BE PREPARED
I was a Boy Scout, you know.

Me:

Not a good Boy Scout, but still…
a Boy Scout.

The Wife:

A NEUROTIC Boy Scout.

All this to say:

Sis, here’s some Maker’s Mark from your neurotic Boy Scout of a brother:

Just take them right off the assembly line. No waiting.

Merry Christmas early!!!! See you tomorrow!

My sister and I aren’t the only ones celebrating Christmas early today…those crazy folks over at Humorbloggers Dot Com are too with the 2nd Annual Christmas Humor Carnival, of which this post is a part. L’Chaim.

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